The Life We Lead

Home

  • The thing about heroism…

    The thing about heroism…

    This is my opportunity to be the good man in the storm, I thought to myself as I opened my umbrella and stepped out into the rain at 10pm in the night. Thankfully my feet were clad in proper rain boots this time. The faulty umbrella did not open immediately, which gave me time to think a bit more about why exactly I was doing this.

    All that comes to mind is that old 80-something year-old woman stuck at Central hospital at this time of night. I’m frustrated that she doesn’t recognize her frailty, but if I asked her why she’s there, she would point to the person we both love on the hospital bed and say “love”. I cannot fault her for doing that because I agree with her. And yet, I suspect that we both suffer from a serious superhero complex.

    Ever since this whole ordeal began, she hasn’t asked me for any help and I find myself stumped at how she feels she can possibly handle this by herself? I am not one to judge of course, I know how hard it is to ask for help as somebody who usually handles everything. Just asking my brother to help me come up with a plan on how to get our Gogo back home felt like pulling teeth. Not to mention the shame storm I suddenly felt when I had to articulate to my neighbor why I need a lift to the hospital at 10pm at night.

    It’s mostly pride, I know. I really would love to be the person who never needs any help at all. The person who excells at work, at school, at home and doesn’t ask for anything. I would love to never be the girl sitting in a neighbour’s living room at night while they make countless calls to various drivers they know. Or the girl so broke that she gives the driver a huge chunk of his payment in 2rand coins(true story!) I really doubt that Marvel or DC comics would rush to adapt this story into motion picture.

    If I have to be the hero, then I want to be the one who has it all under control. The one who shows up to that hospital in a cape(preferably in pink, just for control!) and teleports my loved ones back home where I know they are safe. I want to have magic hands that can heal so we never have to see another hospital, or even pharmacy again. I want to have all the money needed so I don’t have to make an awkward call on a neighbor in the middle of night. But that is not how life, or leadership, works.

    The life we lead is a messy, and unpredictable thing and I’m learning that the call to leadership, is not synonymous with a call to perfection. The “good man in a storm” is not an iron-clad invincible being who flies down to earth from the sky, totally unaffected by the woes of real-life. Perfection is not the measure of a real leader. Rather, the call to lead is a call to vulnerability, and leaders are just real people who made a choice to show up despite their own frailty. They are people who ask for help when they need it, who brave the shame storm of letting someone in on your life drama. Who allow themselves to be in the rain when the storm hits.

    Heroism is real because heroes exist; however, superheroes with magical powers do not. Real heroes face tough challenges and understand their limitations. They set aside their weaknesses, like my grandmother who still shows up despite her old age, and the young boy A (A good man in a storm) who guided us through a storm while he was also in danger. Heroes are simply those who choose to do what needs to be done, and that’s what makes them heroic.

    So if ever you wondered what the difference between you and a hero is, it is a choice.

    I encourage you to choose to show up for someone today.

    Live well and lead well.

  • A Good Man in a Storm….

    I had a whole different title for this post, I promise.

    I was going to write about the influence that is given to leaders and how to steward it well. I had the notes all laid out sermon-style(with scripture references too!)and I was ready. But then the storm happened…..

    I usually prefer to be indoors during storms of the magnitude I experienced that day. It was the kind of storm that makes you think of how people usually lose their lives in the rain, the kind that makes you wonder why you left the house in the first place. The kind I usually like to see from inside my room as I whisper silent prayers for the homeless and exposed(as long as they aren’t me.) 

    Except this time I was exposed. On a Saturday that had been blazing hot since I opened my eyes at 7am that morning, the Bulawayo clouds opened up and let down fat droplets and a heavy sprinkling of hailstones too. It was bad and I was in it. And for some reason my mind went  to a phrase I heard back during my Grey’s Anatomy days. 

    “A GOOD MAN IN A STORM”. I don’t quite remember which episode or season it was, but I remember Dr Arizona assuring the parent of her life partner that she was “a good man in a storm” meaning, when times got tough, she was the kind of person you would want to have around. And I have loved that phrase ever since. 

    If I can think of anything a leader should be -especially now that life feels like another Jurassic Park movie -it is a “good man in a storm”. To make it make sense, think about yourself and any life crisis you have ever encountered. Think about how you felt during that time, and the kind of person you felt you needed around you.

    ________________________________________

    Somehow I found myself writing the second part of this piece in the rain….yes I know I really need to stop doing this. Today I’m sharing my hiding place with a group of SDA young people who are clearly in good spirits. They sing a beautiful a-capella rendition of a song that always makes me daydream about my lobola* ceremony( in the future, of course).

    Funny now that I’m hearing it when it feels like there is as much of a chance of me finding love as there is me stepping into this rain and remaining dry, yes I am drinking deeply of from the cup of self-pity.

    That is why I am running and that is why when these young people sing I can’t help but cry. I’m as stuck in this storm as I am in this lonely life, or so I feel. I’m wondering if I will ever know what it feels like to have a “good man in a storm” show up for me. If it would ever happen in this pouring rain, with lightning and thunder, that someone would be in place to ever help Siboe? But life isn’t a movie, and as the rain keeps worsening, the dry spot on this storefront gets smaller until I am huddling close to the group of Adventist youth with beautiful voices.

    They have stopped singing now and one keeps talking about how they should just brave the storm and run towards their busstop in the rain. I probably can’t say his name here so let’s call him “A”. 

    “A” a fast-talking boy with a small frame and a scarf tied around his neck in that boy-scout style has taken off his formal shoes and is persuading the others to brave the storm with him.

    “The rain will just keep getting worse,” he urges, and although I know the call is to his peers, I follow his lead. Next thing I know, I’m running through the streets of Bulawayo, feet immersed in murky waters and completely soaked through my clothes. A’s confidence,( or is it stubbornness?) convinces the others, and sure enough, everyone else is behind us.

    We all make our way through the flooded streets and at times “A” has to grab my hand (yes, me, a grown woman!) to help me jump across huge puddles or large amounts of water going downstream. It’s scary and I am too far from home to even dream about warmth at this point, but it’s right here that I realize it: “a good man in a storm” is not so foreign a concept after all. I reflect on A’s courage and boldness long after I’ve separated from the group and am hobbling barefoot all the way to third Avenue on my own with one wet shoe in my hand because one of my slides got carried downstream by the water. Partially ashamed of the way I let emotions overwhelm me but also in awe of how God works.

    It cannot be a coincidence that right when the storm inside was raging, and the need for rescue became too much to ignore, that I got to witness A in action, being the literal “good man in a storm” for his crew and a who really an overwhelmed writer who should have known better than to be outside right then. I realize that whether or not it was intentional, what I witnessed confirms my hypothesis, that to be a good leader, you should be the kind of person people can rely on in hard times.

    Think of biblical characters like Moses, Joseph, Joshua, Gideon, Deborah, David, Esther and so many others. Or historical leaders like Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela… their greatness shined through when people were in distress and someone was needed to either fight, deliver, govern, or speak up. Leaders were born for the tough times. Leaders are good men in a storm!

    Perhaps it’s too late to mention this, and you may have already read about my experiences with rain, but this blog focuses on leadership. When I share stories from my life, it’s to illustrate what I’ve learned about leadership and continue to learn over time. Life is a journey of learning, and through observing great leaders, I’ve realized that leadership is also a learning journey that connects to how we live. Hence, “The Life we Lead.”

    As for the question of why I chose to write about leadership? Because I live in a world that’s getting more and more complicated by the day, more Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and ambiguous . The world and people around me are in distress and I have always believed that better leadership is the solution. My words are my attempt at painting a picture of what that leadership should look like.

    Thank you for reading to the end. If you are a leader(which I kind of believe we all are) then I hope my writing will be useful to you. If you are looking to make a decision about what the kind of people who lead should be like, then I’m happy to help paint that picture for you.

    Live well and lead well,